the demon

and the demon in my head almost win...
I need zoloft, zoloft, zoloft.

and I don't know if I want to live...
I need zoloft, zoloft, zoloft.

sometimes I feel better but the rest of the time I am exhausted...
maybe zoloft is the answer.

Toughen up

Hey.

I just want someone to cuddle with every night.
When it gets too lonely and dark, I want to know that I am not alone.
Is that too much to ask for?

I crave for physical touch.
I crave for the warmth it gives me.
I crave for the safe feeling when I am in someone's arms.

I want to dance in my  kitchen while cooking for the love of my life.
I want to see the happy smile and drown in the euphoria of satisfaction of knowing that I am someone's world.
I want to function.

Deep breathe,
Toughen up, woofy.
Don't be a cry baby.
We won't always get what we want.
Let the loneliness creep in, but don't let it consume you.
Squeeze the pillow hard as your pain get intense.
But do not cry.
Toughen up.

back at it

Dear Diary,

Woahhh...so long my friend...now I feel like writing again...

Finding myself..is a struggle I wish I could escape..but obviously I can't. It's a process of determining who am I. I've had my ups and downs; and I'm still worried of everything. I kinda overthink all the time. Not fucking sure what I am doing with my life now. I just want to be somebody and somebody's. I want to figure out what will I be in the future.

Everything seem so hazy at the moment. I just know I love him and I want to cherish this moment while pursuing my unending identity quest. I know I want to stay, and be with him.

Love,

Fidah the wanderer and ponderer.